"GORGING YOURSELF WILL ONLY MAKE YOU SICK AND FAT" --- OBESITY POLICE INFRINGEMENT BUREAU™ October 2008
The Obesity Police Infringement Bureau ™ is responsible for administering infringement notices relating to obesity and the sale and consumption of copious amounts of junk. The Bureau plays an important role in helping reduce physical abuse by changing public perceptions of what constitutes 'food'.
The Bureau is responsible for on-the-spot street fines, office fines, early-morning pantry raids,conglomerate food tests, crappy-content lunch-box fines, soft-drink tickets and dealing with idiotic related inquiries. Bureau Officers are also responsible for conducting televised strip-searches on individuals suspected of concealing any substance banned under the Junk Food Act.
Letter from the Obesity Police ™ Commissioner
Drunkards and Gluttons Become Poor!
It seems I have upset a number of people over my comments in the press lately about obesity. I am not surprised. It's bad enough that I feel compelled to say anything about it at all given that humans consider themselves to be intelligent beings.
And how far has our intelligence taken us? Some 10,000 years ago when man first roamed the earth he gathered and ate only what he needed.
Now, men, women and children rape and pillage the countryside eating and drinking everything in sight. If we were being 'watched from above' as some would have us believe even "He" or "She" would be horrified.
Since time began food and water has been essential to life but since when has pizza, donuts, hamburgers, chocolate chip cookies, thick shakes, milk shakes, chocolate snack bars, soft drinks, candy cigarettes, flavoured milk, alcohol, KFC, et all been essential to our existence?
Only morons consume junk food to excess to the detriment of themselves and the rest of us in the community. Physical appetites are an analogy of our ability to control ourselves. If we are unable to control our eating habits, we are probably also unable to control other habits of the mind.
I am not a religious person at all but the majority of the Worlds population claims to be. Over 70% of Australian's say they are Christian and 70% of Aussie males are obese or overweight and 60% of Aussie females are obese or overweight. Australia is now the fattest nation on the planet.
Something is horribly wrong!If the general population considers this type of behaviour acceptable then who and where on earth are the role models for our impressionable children?
Proverbs 23:20-21 warns us, "Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags." Proverbs 28:7 declares, "He who keeps the law is a discerning son, but a companion of gluttons disgraces his father." Proverbs 23:2 proclaims, "Put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony."Allan Hawley-Jacobs Obesity Police ™ 49 - 51 Cronulla Avenue Mermaid Beach Gold Coast Queensland Australia 4218
The Australian Headquarters for the Obesity Police Infringement Bureau ™ was established by Allan Hawley-Jacobs to help stop the insane condition called obesity. Comments and suggestions should be sent to him c/- the Obesity Police ™ 49 - 51 Cronulla Avenue Mermaid Beach Gold Coast Queensland Australia 4218.
LEGISLATION
After several years of lobbying the State and Federal Governments, legislation shall soon be enacted that shall;
• Enable the Obesity Police to refuse people entry to premises that sell junk food; and
• Issue on-the-spot fines to people who sell junk food; and
• Issue on-the-spot fines to people who are considered to be overweight or obese ; and
• Donate money collected in (2) and (3) above to people who are genuinely starving to death.
The legislation shall form part of Section 165A of the Junk Food Act (refusing entry to premises that sell junk food).
• The Obesity Police may refuse to allow a person to enter premises that sell junk food if the person is overweight or obese or the person is in company with individuals who are overweight or obese or if the person is a minor.
• A person must not enter, or attempt to enter, premises to which the person is refused entry under subsection (1) above.
• If a person attempts to enter premises despite being refused entry to those premises under subsection (1) the Obesity Police may use reasonable force to prevent that person or persons from entering the premises.
• A person must not resist the Obesity Police Officer who is preventing the person from entering EM premises.
Junk Food Act Definitions
• Junk is stuff that is eaten with little or no nutritional value.
• Overweight is carrying more body fat than is optimally healthy.
• Obesity is carrying an excessively large amount of body weight in the form of fat
• EM means early mortality .
COMMENTS AND SUGGESTIONS
If you have comments or suggestions that you think may help the Obesity Police please email them using the form below.
Fightboi ® 49 - 51 Cronulla Avenue Mermaid Beach Gold Coast Queensland Australia 4218
Telephone + 61 7 5575 6044 Fax + 61 7 5575 6077 aj@fightboi.com SMS + 61 402 245 512
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